Dave and I are doing pretty well overall. Some days are harder than others. We still miss our baby so much and don't think that will go away anytime soon (if ever). We both stay busy during the day with work, and it's good to have something that can occupy our time.
We have grown closer to each other and to our Heavenly Father through this, because we've had to rely on Him. I don't know how someone could go through this without any knowledge of eternal families and the Plan of salvation. It's been comforting to go to the temple and feel the spirit and be reminded of the blessings that are available to us if we live worthily of them.
It's been really hard at times and so many questions go through your head. Every day I think about something different. Sometimes I'm sad for Heidi that she never got to come to earth and grow up with a family that loves her, or will never get to play with her cousins. Other times I'm sad for us and wonder why everyone around us seems to be able to have healthy babies. For awhile, I was really bothered about a sixteen year old girl who I saw at the doctors right after the doctor told me we had lost our baby. She had a super cute baby girl that everyone was cooing over. It just doesn't seem fair that she got to keep her baby, since I know our baby would have had such a better life. It's sometimes hard to see others that are pregnant, and I've already avoided 2 baby showers. Dave has been so great to listen to all of these thoughts I've had and has continued to try to comfort me when I need it.
Despite all of these thoughts I've had, I know that Heavenly Father loves us and is looking out for us. We're continuing to recover from it, and it will take months probably, but even though we're sad, we're still happy. We still laugh a lot and have fun together. If you talk to us, please don't avoid talking about it. I promise you, you won't be bringing up something that we're not already thinking about. We're open to talk about it, and it's good to be able to share our feelings and things. Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers.
6 years ago
10 comments:
What a blessing temples are! How great that you have each other and have the knowledge of eternal families. We love you guys! In Primary we talked about how Heavenly Father watches over us all the time, and although it's a simple concept, it really is true! We're glad you are starting to feel better.
SO happy you two have the gospel and each other. I don't blame you for not wanting to go to the baby shower and I doubt anyone else minds you not going, either. Wish we lived closer so we could be a happy distraction for you :)
Laura I just love you! Thanks for being a great example to me of having faith in adversity - you are amazing! Lots of love...
You guys are really a strong couple to handle this so well. I think about you guys and Heidi a lot. I sure she watches over you guys and can't wait to be with you again!
Hi Laura, I'm so glad you posted this- I think it's probably very healing for you to write and say what you're really thinking, and I think everything you're thinking and feeling is totally valid. I would be doing the same thing. I really admire that you don't seem angry- I'm afraid that's how I would be. Keep hanging in there, and know you have so many people out there still thinking of you and praying for you, and wondering so many of the same things on your behalf. Hope you continue to find comfort in the gospel and through Christ. We love you guys!
I am glad you are able to let these feelings out, I am sure you will find more healing as you keep acknowledging the pain that is sure to linger for quite awhile, and I am glad that you are also able to laugh and find joy too. We are always here to listen and I am so glad you are still sharing, because I know it is still just as hard.
Glad to hear you guys are still laughing a lot =)
And I agree with you it really doesn't seem fair that people who shouldn't be having babies (16 year olds) have babies, and people who really want babies sometimes have such a hard time getting them here. But, I guess the Lord has it all worked out somehow.
I've been wanting to call you, but I just don't want to 'bug' you. But, I think your post has given me encouragement! I'll call soon. Love you girl!
i hope you don't mind me looking at your blog. anna gave me the address.
i really can't imagine the trial you and dave are going through - but i admire your strength so much. it is so comforting to know we have the gospel and that one day you will be able to hold your sweet heidi. hang in there. if there is anything we can do please let us know. you are still in our thoughts and prayers.
Laura, I had those same feelings. I had a sister, 3 friends and a sister in law that was pregnant the same time as me. It was hard to see them and talk about their pregnancies and was even harder when those babies were born. I don't think the pain will ever go away, but it will get easier. I have also thought many times why some people that shouldn't have kids are blessed when others lose or can't have them. But there are reasons in all things. We don't know why yet, or maybe ever. I can't imagine how hard it would be to go through without the gospel. Sounds like you're handling it well. It will take time, but will get easier. I'm still thinking of you and praying for you.
It's amazing how much you love that little baby the second you find out you're pregnant. Hang in there, sounds like there's lots of people still thinking about and praying for you.
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