For a few months, Brady was sleeping all through the night, but the past 2 months or so he's been waking up every night. Not sure why. Sometimes he wakes up frantic like he's scared or something or starts coughing and that wakes him up. Other times, he just seems to want his binky and to be held. It's easy to get frustrated in the night when you just want to sleep and know they can sleep through the night. Lately though, I have just been trying to enjoy cradling him and rocking him back to sleep. He is growing up so fast and not going to be a baby for very much longer.
Brady has never been a cuddler and would much rather look at the world around him. I think I've gotten more cuddle time with him the past few weeks than I did the past few months combined. I love when he looks up at me with his big eyes. I love that I can feel warm under the blanket with him. I love that I can kiss him over and over and he doesn't object because he's so tired. I love my little boy.
Last night as I was rocking him, wishing our chair was a little more comfortable, my thoughts turned to my sweet little girl, Heidi. I never got to sit and rock her. I never got to see her with her eyes open, staring back at me. A few days ago, I was reading through the 12 pages I typed up about our time with her, starting at how excited we were to find out we were pregnant, and read that we only spent 3 1/2 hours with her. That's all. I delivered her in the middle of the night and we had had the longest week of our lives. We were exhausted. And we only had her there with us three and a half hours. It still makes me sad to think of everything we missed out on with her. You can't pack a lifetime of memories and love into only 3.5 hours.
I feel like I am so much moodier and pessimistic than I ever used to be. I sometimes just enjoy being in a sour mood. Don't get me wrong, I am happy most of the time and Dave is pretty good at making me snap out of my bad moods, but I just don't think I've been this way my whole life. Last night as I was missing Heidi and cuddling and loving Brady, I realized that my life is so good. I really have been blessed. I have such an amazing husband who treats me so well, an (almost) perfect little boy, and an angel who watches over our family. I decided that I will try to be happier and be the wife and mother my family deserves.
6 years ago
3 comments:
You're so sweet Laura---I can't imagine losing a child and it has probably changed you a lot. But you are so great to recognize the great things in your life and change your outlook when needed. Miss you!!
Great attitude to have about life! There is always so much to be thankful for. We love you guys.
You are awesome Laura, I love you! That's a great attitude to take on, but at the same time I am sure I would get down and feel negative about life too after experiencing what you have. Cut yourself a little slack :) But yes, you do have a great life- Awesome extended family, husband and baby. How many people have just those things? Families nowadays are so messed up, so yes, just keep thinking about those major positives in your life to drown out the bad! (hope you get my tone-- i'm not scolding you, but agreeing with you! :) )
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